Dilapidated Subway Tunnel
I finally listened to Happy Smiles. I am a bad fan, lol. I am very irritated with Daph though. I told her I just wanted to finally listen to all the songs, just hear them, not think about them yet, because my mind is too occupied with other things - life responsibility that sucks your soul. Anyway, I knew that if I actually listened to the lyrics (or in the case of Russian lyrics, looked up proper translations) my mind would go go go. Well, I was bound and determined to resist, because it was 1am. But Daph is weak, weak I tell you, and made me look up translations and then started asking me questions and looking at the cover art.
And it hit me what the cover art totally reminded me of. Omon Ra by Pelevin. Especially the raised mask and sitting alone on some unidentifiable landscape. That, of course, along with the facetious smiles, giving the image of something accomplished, of something true. So of course, we now have lots of ideas flying in our heads about what is truth beyond perception and perspective and the bartering of ideas/idea control and eventual (for some) disillusionment.
It is also interesting to ask those same questions, especially about perception, in context of the story Insider put up (which was really neat). Sidenote: Daph brought up something interesting about that story. Upon quick reading, one might take the last few sentences to mean that the kid's world would be over, in a negative sense. But, his world has been nothing but bad, and it being over would, thus, likely be good. The "guy" watching him was aware enough to wonder about the kid, actually consider his thoughts, motivations, the mind-manipulation in the commercials, etc. The "guy" seemed at least more interested than anyone prior in connecting with or attempting to understand the kid. As such, the kid might finally escape.
As it is beyond my bedtime, I will have to let my bouncing thoughts develop into coherent thoughts some other time. That is if Daph can shut off her mind and let me sleep, lol.
I have no clue if this has anything to do with the motivation behind Happy Smiles. This is just something I personally found interesting, as I am a Pelevin fan and tend to draw many things back to his works.
Cool Keyboard
So I was stumbling and came across this website: http://www.creativecloseup.com/20-irresistible-gadgets-youd-love-to-own
Scroll down to the keyboard (about 1/3 of the way down). You will find something funny and familiar. :)
Russian Humor
I just adore Russian sense of humor. Really...it's just something special. When 75% of the sites that amuse and entertain me using StumbleUpon happen to be Russian, that says something. And apparently a lot of people appreciate Russian humor (surprising given people's reaction to Tatu), because having so many sites pop up as highly rated on StumbleUpon is rather impressive, especially as they are not in English.
E.g. This actually wasn't found on StumbleUpon but Rivals.com forum:
Interesno
Artist: Asaf Hanuka
I found the first two particularly interesting given my interest in Tatu.
If you want to see more: http://2photo.ru/2007/05/16/eshhe_odni_raboty_illjustratora_asaf_hanuka.html
American Logic
To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Enjoy paying your taxes.
Source: http://www.boredatuni.com/stuff.php?stuffId=74
http://www.spacepen.com/Public/Home/index.cfm (Let's hope it never explodes in your face.)
My kind of wedding
Ah hahaha. LOVE it.
So Russian girls really are just that friendly and "sisterly" with each other.... I think I get it now ;)
Poems
Lifesaver
Closed lips, a lost metaphor
Stabs so deep, we almost care
Color water like fire
Singing sweetly of despair
Dousing rain, my desire
We find our common ground
Rock aboard the sinking ship
But you are lost and I am found
Lessons
They tell you once
So listen up
They tell you twice
So let it sink in
They tell you thrice
So let it take hold
They tell you again
So let it control
You tell them once
So they will listen up
You tell them twice
So it will sink in
You tell them thrice
So it can take hold
You tell them again
So you can control
Perverted
The wind tells you secrets
For you to tangle and weave
Like the stars in the sky
You make pictures to see
Blending the colors
All become one
On the golden ground
What was sacred is undone
Yes, yes, I know, "shut up"
But neither can the bird see that objects are floating and flying in space.
How can you ever know you're on the outside looking in? And if you were on the outside, and knew you were on the outside, what benefit would there be to looking in? Do the layers only go in one direction with a definite end? Do they go in both directions to infinity - a circle or a line? If the latter, you would never be in the inside or outside, only BE. And is the bird truly on the outside, or is the fish? Can the bird or fish ever know?
Is there a purpose in asking unanswerable questions? Is a circular journey worth taking? Where the goal is in taking the journey, not in reaching a destination? I think, duh, obviously. Says the girl who can never let herself enjoy the moment or feel the present.
So, is life on earth about gathering unto myself as much as possible, then break and release at the end? Or is it about discarding all worldly things, shedding instead of gathering. Though I think it takes a certain amount of gathering before one can realize shedding it all can even be an answer.
So many things I've encountered in the past few years have held a common thread. It stops looking like coincidence. Of course, once an interest is born, you are drawn to its renderings, like seeing a word for the first time is undoubtedly followed with numerous sightings. Then again, maybe it is truly meant to be a message. When does one know when to head a message or regard it as utter foolishness? Fear of being perceived by others as foolish and, therefore, unaccepted, certainly creates a most powerful ploy to keep people from questioning or heading messages. Fancies of an idle mind or reality being tapped. I suppose a simple pro v. con analysis should give me a simple resolution. What is worse, being deemed a nutcase by others or missing a potential opportunity at reaching Truth, or, at least, something closer to it? For me, the latter is a far greater loss. I worry my comfort in the status quo (due to laziness) is a greater obstacle to me reaching any Truth than fear, at least at this point in my life.
Can you tell I am unemployed, done with school (for the first time in my life), and spending all day inside studying for the bar?
EDIT: I just realized that in adding the final sentence--poking fun of myself, if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I would have to say that I did so to beat others to the punch. Because, perhaps, the fear that others will think I am crazy has a stronger influence over me than I'd like to think. ;)
Gee...thanks
Best backhanded compliment ever:
"My favorite time with you was when we first got together."
- Daphne
(Thankfully she was joking. I think...lol)
Crooked Hats
I was walking down the street today and a man in a crooked top hat smiled at me. I smiled back. We had a silent understanding. Of what, I wasn't sure. He turned down a dark alley, the type of alley that you only walk down if you're on a mission or curious and naïve. I was the latter, and followed him. He knew I followed, as I suspected he knew the goings-on of almost everything around him. He stopped at a gated entryway and turned to me before entering. He handed me a small blue box. It was completely smooth, without any noticeable cracks, locks, or hinges.
"What is it?" I asked, turning it in my hands.
"Inside is a key. The same as this," he said, holding up a silver key. He inserted it into the padlocked gate and entered inside.
"What's beyond the gate?"
"The answer to opening the box with the key," he smiled knowingly and then disappeared, shutting the door behind him.
I stood there for awhile, realizing that I was in a similar position to the position I had been in only thirty minutes before. Except now, I was aware of the existence of something I could not obtain. My question for you is, am I now in a worse or better position for having such knowledge?
Unfortunately or fortunately, men in crooked hats are smiling at me all the time. Maybe next time I'll be smart enough to steal his key.
Title
I have a really sick feeling in my chest. I hate when I have these. I can't say everytime I've had one something bad has happened. Usually I just have this feeling and I KNOW I shouldn't do something. And when nothing happens, who is to say whether I avoided something bad or was just fooling myself. But this time, I don't have any clue why or where it is coming from. People who've never had this may think I've crazy...
Has anyone ever had this before? I don't know quite how to describe it. I suppose it is like a mild anxiety attack or the sick feeling of guilt. It is not quite nausea, but similarly unpleasant. I mean, I can sometimes have anxiety attacks, but again, generally, I know it is because I feel restless, bored, unproductive. I can usually pinpoint the source, or, at least, the anxiety pushes me towards something - to move, to be productive, to cry, lol, something. But this, I'm just left to freak myself out. Is some natural or unnatural disaster about to hit? Did someone die? Is someone sick? I don't feel that it is about Daphne or me. I feel like it is about someone else. I just don't know who, and I just feel...sick.
I hope everyone is okay. I want this feeling to go away.
Interesting...
I'm currently reading this: http://www.scribd.com/word/full/403303?access_key=r19e19d9g5g4 I'm only on the sixth page, but I can already tell this is fascinating and wanted to share. You may have already seen it, heard of it, because I found it on the website I posted in my previous post, but also because it apparently caused a bit of online stir back when it happened. I, obviously, was oblivious. So it is new to me, and perhaps it will be to you. I found the poster's name humorous, too.
EDIT:
A couple of points, so far...now that's I've read drastically further, page 8! lol
Arrogant of me to say, but god, some of these questions people are asking...frustrating as hell. You would think, being members of a conspiracy theory forum, they would be pure skeptics. But no, many of them ask questions based on assumptions, the same, but different, assumptions they ridicule the "sheep" for holding. The only difference is that their assumptions are against the grain. But are they really? You hear the same "conspiracies" all the time. They become predictable as well.
A: Insider is a nut job who actually believes what s/he/it is saying, but is, in fact, deluded.
B: Insider is an intellectual playing a game of dialectics with people (whether they believed the positions they supported or not).
C: Insider is for real. Scary, because, all my life I've lived in the box created for me (though, hopefully, with an awareness that I am living in a box created for me).
The skeptic in me holds all three to be equally possible (as well as other possibilities I have yet to formulate or consider).
And of course, a part of me is highly fascinated with the contemplation of C. However, any contemplation is immediately followed by serious doubt for two main reasons Daphne and I considered (albeit, we realize, in rationalizing this, we too are making assumptions about life, this world, and the way things are): (1) If the purpose is for people to "develop" and reach these enlightened thoughts themselves, what benefit or use or motive would Insider have for "feeding the peasants"? If the Elites' control is so masterful, so intricate and behind the scenes, why would this "feeding" be so open and obvious? It would seem that any truth behind it is probably also clouded, and hidden. Thus, what we are given, is not truly what is, but, again, only what "they" want us to see. (2) Insider talks of "stages of development," however, I do not, in my experience or awareness of human nature (the non-elites at least, lol) know of a motive for "playing with the peasants" that does not have some basis in a lower "developmental stage." For a simple example, I could see, if overnight, I became famous, I would have an interest in pretending to be someone else or being some cloaked Insider in order to "speak with the people" - see what they think, how they feel, explore myself from the viewpoint of others, share inside information, simply, because, as this Insider says - "because I can." However, if I truly analyze my motive for doing such, it might be linked to pride, basic curiosity of the unknown, a base fascination (which, one would think an "elite conductor" would have little use for).
Lastly, as Daphne pointed out (she is a far faster reader and on page 20) - this Insider claims to have their own animals for meat, eggs, milk, etc. Again, perhaps our misperception of what a truly enlightened character would be, we have trouble perceiving one to eat animals. I would explain why, but I am lazy.
EDIT2: Reading on, Insider answered most of those questions. Of course, that only leads to more questions. Insider states - how does a master know he is a master? Insider acknowledges the existence of levels of awareness - points of enlightenment. However, at what point does one know that the "duty" they have been given as part of some "bloodline" actually serve the "Devine Law" or that some knowledge they have been passed as fact or truth is Truth? How does Insider know that his duty is not simply a perceived truth, but, in reality, a perversion? At some point, can one reach a level of knowledge that they simply KNOW? Or is the highest level of knowledge knowing you might not know?
As for there being tools hidden in the mounds of perversion...my concern is with finding the first tool. To know that what you hold is a tool and not a perversion seems like it would require some degree of awareness and knowledge. How does one have that awareness and knowledge without first finding a tool and knowing it is a tool? Or, in ruling us, it the duty of this bloodline to pass on the seed of awareness and knowledge, such that I, the peasant, can recognize the first tool and begin the journey of self discovery? Of course, the key is knowing whether to trust this seed of knowledge as a seed of knowledge and not just another perversion. How can one, in the position of an ignorant peasant, ever know what is a seed of Truth? Insider warns against following the words and teachings of advisors and gurus. They may contain some seeds, but never the full Truth. So how does one know what is the wheat from the chaff?
I suppose, one option is trial and error. Consider one thing that speaks to you, consider its source, know where is comes from, determine if it is reliable (as Insider recommends), and determine whether it is worth exploring. Perhaps it will lead one astray, but hopefully, you will be paying attention and realize you are not getting any closer to any Truth and realize your seed was a dud. But what I find interesting is that, if this Insider had the duty to spread the seeds online - but then cautions us from trusting sources that are untraceable (exactly what Insider is) how can Insider expect anyone (of the enlightened sort) to benefit from his dutifully planted seeds?
Do I make sense anymore?
My favorite part in this is that it doesn't matter whether this person is a nut job, intellectual playing a game, or for real. Because, in all cases, I was made to think, which is always beneficial (hopefully, lol).
And creepily, I find much of what Daph and I spend hours deliberating resonating in this person's words.
I've been Stumbling, so sue me
My father doesn't like my conspiracy theories. He got pissy at me for telling him I didn't think Mars was really that red, NASA just likes to keep it romantic for everyone. And maybe for other reasons...but anyway. He didn't like that much and stomped away from me. Lol I love messing with my dad. And I don't see the harm in conspiracy theories, so long as they don't control your life. I think it's a bit naïve not to question the things around you-or to trust everything at face value.
Anyway, found an interesting website through StumbleUpon. I am sure the government is tracking my internet "interests" and I will be on some shit list someday, if not already. Here: http://www.the7thdimension.com/
Daph was bored last night. She's made fun of me for my addiction to stumble upon, but what do I find? She's now realizing its joys. She filled my email inbox with an unbelievable amount of "OMG look at this"'s. It's cute.
And people amaze me. Seriously. The creative things people will come up with just floors me. I wish I could be that creative and ingenious. Here are just a few things Daph stumbled upon last night:
http://uploads.ungrounded.net/221000/221483_Play.swf
Disneyland Burned Down
I have lots of stuff to talk about and intended to write about. But instead, I will post this:
Deep Thoughts (by Jack Handey)
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
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To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
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One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
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I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
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Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is mankind.
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As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
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If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
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If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
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Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
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Gay Pride
San Jose, CA is having it's Gay Pride June 14th-15th. We plan to leave just a couple days before that, which kinda sucks. I know San Jose is far more white collar conservative than San Francisco, but I have to think it would still have a lot of interesting people (or to quote Rossana - lots of "gays and freaks"). I've always kinda wanted to go to one. San Francisco's isn't until June 21st. Portland will be having one too. And Portland is a rather gay happy city, so you'd think I'd want to go. But I don't, is that weird? Probably. Oh well.
I don't really know what the point of this post was anymore. Assuming it ever had one.
